Free to Choose

FREE TO CHOOSE

by Marlene Aguilar

I have lived a beautiful life. It is beautiful because I choose to see it that way.

I was born into wealth in the northern part of the Philippines. My father was the Chief of Police of the town where my life began. He was also a boxer.

My father lost everything through gambling and so we became very poor and had to move to Manila.  He brought out the best and the worst in me from the age of three. He used to beat me and my siblings, almost daily.  I knew agony and hunger at a young age. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. I am grateful for my pain. I would not want your life in exchange for mine, even if you were the daughter of the Queen of England. Believe me I wouldn't change anything about my life. It is my tragedy that has given me omnipotence.

This speech covers but a tiny section of my colorful, exciting life. I want to share it with you, hoping that if you knew pain and suffering when you were a child, such as I did, then my life could help ease your pain and give you inspiration and hope.

My father was extremely intelligent. He was compassionate, sensitive, passionate, generous and loving, but he also had the instinct of a natural born killer. I don't remember how he looked although my siblings do. Maybe I have chosen to forget.

He used to humiliate me and beat me until my legs bled. I don't know what was worse, to take the beating myself or to watch my siblings suffer his wrath. He was so cruel and abusive to my brothers that to this day the memory brings me horror. What happens to a child who is betrayed by a parent at a young age? You will never know unless you suffered the same fate as I did.

In Manila, we lived in a neighborhood surrounded by dangerous gangsters and killers who went in and out of prison like they were going food shopping. It wasn't rare to hear them shoot at each other at night. So as a little girl my mother taught me to hit the floor when I heard gun shots.

I remember going to school one morning, seeing a pool of blood in front of my house because members of the local gang had a terrible fight that evening. One man was stabbed to death during the encounter. And there I was six years old, poor, hungry, staring at death early in the morning on my way to school.  Violence was not only in my home, it was everywhere.

My father died in my arms when I was 16. And after his death, I sought more danger and violence. This would be too much to tell today.  I was married at nineteen and my husband died a sudden death when I was 23 years old. I raised my two sons on my own.

I have known violence most people will never know. I have felt hunger, loss and pain most people will never know. Yet, I don't complain. I find no reason to complain. I feel special that I was given a challenging life. Otherwise, I would be very boring like most people.

I have chosen to conquer my pain.  I will not allow my past to stop me from achieving what I want out of life. On the contrary, it is my tragic past that has catapulted me into the person I am today.

If you can conquer your past, then you will know freedom and strength beyond the imagination. I am free because I have chosen to be free. I am not impressed by money, title or position. It is only the great mind and spirit in people that can touch me. Nothing owns me.

Today, I believe if I cannot go out and get what I want for myself then I do not deserve to have it. The world does not owe me anything. My success is mine. So is my failure. My past is not an excuse for failure. It is what has powered my success

Ultimately, the soul is neither male nor female. I have no gender issue. It is the mind that powers the actions of mankind.

Life is a choice. Suffering is a choice. So is happiness.  I have chosen to make the best out of the cards I was dealt. I converted my pain into my strength. I picked up the pieces and made myself complete. Today I am whole. That is why I say, my life is beautiful. And that is the true power of a woman. Freedom!

Speech by Marlene Aguilar

Philippines, book lauching

April 5, 2008

Free to Choose 
by Marlene Aguilar

I have lived a beautiful life. It is beautiful because I choose to see it that way.
I was born into wealth in the northern part of the Philippines. My father was the Chief of Police of the town where my life began. He was also a boxer.

My father lost everything through gambling and so we became very poor and hadto move to Manila.  He brought out the best and the worst in me from the age of three. He used to beat me and my siblings, almost daily.  I knew agony and hunger at a young age. Oh, don't feel sorry for me. I am grateful for my pain. I would not want your life in exchange for mine, even if you were the daughter of the Queen of England. Believe me I wouldn't change anything about my life. It is my tragedy that has given me omnipotence.

This speech covers but a tiny section of my colorful, exciting life. I want to share it with you, hoping that if you knew pain and suffering when you were a child, such as I did, then my life could help ease your pain and give you inspiration and hope.

My father was extremely intelligent. He was compassionate, sensitive, passionate, generous and loving, but he also had the instinct of a natural born killer. I don't remember how he looked although my siblings do. Maybe I have chosen to forget.

He used to humiliate me and beat me until my legs bled. I don't know what was worse, to take the beating myself or to watch my siblings suffer his wrath. He was so cruel and abusive to my brothers that to this day the memory brings me horror. What happens to a child who is betrayed by a parent at a young age? You will never know unless you suffered the same fate as I did.

In Manila, we lived in a neighborhood surrounded by dangerous gangsters and killers who went in and out of prison like they were going food shopping. It wasn't rare to hear them shoot at each other at night. So as a little girl my mother taught me to hit the floor when I heard gun shots.

I remember going to school one morning, seeing a pool of blood in front of my house because members of the local gang had a terrible fight that evening. One man was stabbed to death during the encounter. And there I was six years old, poor, hungry, staring at death early in the morning on my way to school.  Violence was not only in my home, it was everywhere.

My father died in my arms when I was 16. And after his death, I sought more danger and violence. This would be too much to tell today.  I was married at nineteen and my husband died a sudden death when I was 23 years old. I raised my two sons on my own.

I have known violence most people will never know. I have felt hunger, loss and pain most people will never know. Yet, I don't complain. I find no reason tocomplain. I feel special that I was given a challenging life. Otherwise, I would be very boring like most people.

I have chosen to conquer my pain.  I will not allow my past to stop me from achieving what I want out of life. On the contrary, it is my tragic past that has catapulted me into the person I am today.

If you can conquer your past, then you will know freedom and strength beyond the imagination. I am free because I have chosen to be free. I am not impressed by money, title or position. It is only the great mind and spirit in people that can touch me. Nothing owns me.

Today, I believe if I cannot go out and get what I want for myself then I do not deserve to have it. The world does not owe me anything. My success is mine. So is my failure. My past is not an excuse for failure. It is what has powered my success

Ultimately, the soul is neither male nor female. I have no gender issue. It is the mind that powers the actions of mankind.

Life is a choice. Suffering is a choice. So is happiness.  I have chosen to make the best out of the cards I was dealt. I converted my pain into my strength. I picked up the pieces and made myself complete. Today I am whole. That is why I say, my life is beautiful. And that is the true power of a woman. Freedom!


Speech by Marlene Aguilar
Philippines, book lauching
April 5, 2008